Almost every day I listen intently to the hopes and dreams of teenagers who cannot wait to take on the world. They debate college majors and lay down their blueprints for educational paths that sparkle with possibilities and promise. They seem so clear, so certain and so self-assured. They know where they want to be in five-ten years and they’re certain that they’ve figured out a way to get there.
I sometimes have to fight the urge to chip in with a ‘are you sure this is what you want to do?’ The truth is I am soon going to be 32 and the question from my childhood ‘What do you want to do when you grow up? Is one I still struggle to answer.
Wouldn’t it be pretty awesome to wake each morning and be certain that you’re on the right path towards your goals? To know with certainty that you’re headed in your right direction? To not have to worry about distractions or interruptions or choices….oh! choices….that deserves a whole other blog post!
When you’ve come face to face with the ragged edges of adulthood you learn quickly that life isn’t all butterflies and roses. Beneath our longings lie the chains of expectations -those, projections, hopes and dreams that we may not even recognize or know exist.
Let me just say that I am very happy doing what I’m doing at the moment and my current life experiences do not take away from me figuring all of this stuff out – they are a critical part of it but I still find myself wondering what more can I do? What should I do next? Where should I be? The questions come in torrents, the answers, not so much.
My friends tell me to relax, to keep doing what makes me happy and that I have ‘forever to figure this stuff out’, but with each passing day forever seems to diminish a little, the fog thickens and the vision becomes a little more blurred.
What if there is no one true calling for each of us? What if there are multiple callings throughout our lives as we grow and change? How does one prepare for this scenario? How do we ready ourselves to develop an awareness, an understanding and an acceptance of it ? How does one successfully morph into the best version of themselves without an answer to these questions?
Anyway, all I’m saying really is that a sense of unmet longing hovers over me sometimes, like a cloud and I wish I could decode those longings to give them a shape and form and then try to figure out what to do about them. Until that happens, I remain comforted by one of my favorite verses from Proverbs
Perhaps the uncertainty is part of the journey, perhaps it’s a test of faith. So if you’re like me, you plant a seed, you water it and then…you wait. But in the meantime, it’s not wrong to wonder what the future has in store.