Not much has been said on this blog lately, not because there’s nothing to write about but simply because I think it is so important to choose carefully which thoughts to make public and which ideas need to be kept personal.
There are so many thoughts swirling around in my head this morning – so many and I’ve been struggling to articulate those ideas and give them shape. I have been staring at my iPad for fifteen minutes now, typing…deleting….typing again…but I just can’t seem to find the words.
I love words. I really do. Maybe that’s because I have parents who have a love for learning new things. I watched my father work his way up professionally, only because he loved to learn and loved to equip himself with knowledge and understanding. My mother is a voracious reader, works in a school and has always taught us how important literacy and education is and my brother recently took to blogging. They’re always reading, doing cross words and discussing new ideas. Words, they comfort me…they remind me of home and family.
I’m surrounded by words. I’m a teacher, a blogger, I tweet incessantly, I mark my students writing, discuss debate motions with my debaters, frame circulars and policies, read fiction and revel in the benefits of being an active member of the blogosphere. Words – creative, powerful, life-affirming words contribute to my daily achievements.
I listen to them interlaced in the haunting strains of the country music I listen to when I return home each evening. Deliciously chosen, so splendidly and economically used – but telling powerful stories of people, loss, love and life.
Words, I read them in my Bible and in the books I have by my bedside – their messages shape me, mould me, teach me and make me who I am today.
As much as I love them, sometimes they fail me, they wound me, they blur – making things unclear, vague and make the future seem foggy and uncertain.
What do I do when words just aren’t enough? What do I do when I can’t seem to express what I’m feeling inside? Sometimes my un-articulated words – those thoughts swirling in my head but failing to make their way to my lips carry such weighty effects that they make me feel ineffective and weak. Words, sometimes they just abandon me and I cant seem to find the right things to say.